|
The information provided on this page is for people close to others who have
lost a loved one.
I have provided some thoughts on how to react and mostly on what one should do or
say, and more importantly, what one should not say.
1. Keep in touch. A brief visit or telephone call is usually appreciated.
2. Say little in the initial period. Before the funeral, your brief embrace, your
press of the hand, your few words of affection and feeling may be all that is needed.
3. Avoid cliches."Time heals all wounds", "You'll get over it",
"He's out of pain now" "You're lucky to have other children" are not
likely to help. A simple "I'm sorry" is better.
4. Be yourself. Show your own natural concern and sorrow in your own way and in
your own words.
5. Make specific offers to help, such as running errands, cleaning, mowing,
answering the phone, preparing meals etc instead of vague expressions such as "call
if you need me".
6. Accept silence. If the mourner doesn't feel like talking don't force
conversation.
7. Be a good listener. Accept what is said and whatever feelings are expressed
without criticism or judgement. Do not change the subject. Be prepared to hear the same
stories time and again, repetition is part of the healing process.
8. Never say "I know how you feel". You don't.
9. Use the name of the dead person unless asked not to.
10. Provide support to bereaved children. They need to be included in the grief of
the family and therefore should usually be allowed to stay in the family home and not
shielded from the grief of others.
11. Allow the 'working through' of grief. Do not whisk away clothing or belongings
of the deceased or criticise seemingly morbid behaviour of the survivor. This is just
their way of adjusting.
12. Letters of sympathy can be very precious to the bereaved, especially if the
letters or notes are from the heart. Write of your love and memories of the person who has
died.
13. Encourage the postponement of major decisions until after the period of intense
grief. Whatever can wait should wait.
14. Write special occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries of the death in a
diary and call or send a friendship card as a reminder that you care.
15. Don't put a time limit on anyone's grief.
16. If the bereaved feel like they are not progressing through their grief, you
could gently suggest that talking to a counsellor or joining a support group might be
helpful. If they do not think this is a good idea, that's okay don't push.
17. A final thought: although you may not feel qualified to assist someone grieving
remember, that if approached in a sensitive and caring way, your support could be the very
thing that helps a loved one or friend keep their equilibrium throgh a very painful and
confusing time. If you are prepared to enter into this pain and confusion, at the very
least, you may help to decrease the grieving person's sense of isolation. |
|
